April Big Game - Whitney

Herewith follows an illustrated account of the fighting at Whitney-on-Wye from the perspective of Major Miles Straitt-Jackett, Commanding Wulfhere Company, West Mercia Division, BUF.

BUF troop barges

WHITNEY BRIDGE POST ACTION REPORT

By Major Miles Straitt-Jackett

 Commanding Wulfhere Company, West Mercia Division, BUF

BUF right wing advances

Sir,

I have the honour to report that the Socialist rabble and their lackeys attempting to hold Whitney-on-Wye toll bridge have been utterly routed, and the way is clear for a further advance by His Majesty’s victorious forces.

BUF cavalry

The action opened with both sides advancing towards the bridge, and our gallant forces suffered an early blow when the Socialists launched a rocket attack on Storm Leader Giles’s tank, destroying it utterly with four lucky hits. Undaunted, the infantry pressed forward determined to avenge their fallen comrades. The valiant BUF cavalry, having ridden down a scarecrow that may have been an Anglican spy, attempted to attack the enemy flotilla but the heartless swine within thought nothing of machine-gunning our fine equine steeds, so a tactical withdrawal was ordered to protect our noble beasts.

Cheltenham Ladies' College advance

On our left flank the gallant ladies of Cheltenham College advanced in concert with the Wulfheres of the BUF and seized a dominant hill, while Viscount Scudamore’s Loyal Legion advanced along the river bank protecting our troop barges. The Gas Street Irregulars used  their renowned searching skills to look for the missing manuscript in various buildings, and were pleased to find a rare first edition of Rev. Splong’s renowned work on the Mating Habits of the African Guinea Fowl. Fortunately I was able to point out the monetary value of said work before it was used as toilet paper. Alas, the manuscript was not found. Rumours that the enemy had located the missing document are probably false, and in any case it will turn out to be a crude forgery.

Socialist rocket barge

A generous lunch seemed to put fresh heart into the men (and ladies) as the afternoon battle swung decisively in our favour. The Socialist tank and armoured car which had caused heavy casualties amongst Viscount Scudamore’s Loyal Legion were finally destroyed,  and our lorried artillery – ‘The Decimator ‘ -  scored several direct hits on enemy Police, Post Office and Socialist units. These were finished off by the Cheltenham Ladies and Wulfheres, causing the enemy HQ and mortar to flee in their usual cowardly fashion. What a contrast to the gallant Viscount Scudamore’s Loyal Legion, who stood firm by the bridge despite suffering 90% casualties!

Socialist tank destroyed

On the river the Socialist water rats attempted to board one of our barges but their barge was sunk by accurate mortar fire, leaving the few survivors floundering in the water under Captain Arrowsmith’s machine guns.

BUF barges reach Whitney toll bridge

After this drubbing I expect the enemy will hotfoot it back to Ross to lick their wounds, while their odious propaganda machine fabricates a plethora of untruths to try to hide the extent of their inept and cowardly performance.

Socialist barge sunk by mortar

Yours respectfully,

Miles Straitt-Jackett

Hon.Major

BUF infantry disembark

Thanks Alan for this great report and some smashing photos! (More photos can be seen by clicking this Photobucket link)